Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
