I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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