Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
