id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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