Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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