so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate all girls vehemently.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
