Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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