I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
