the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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