She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
