ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
