my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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