what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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