He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
