So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
