dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
false alarm. still invincible.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize