so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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