can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
