Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
