I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize