butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
