Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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