i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
