I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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