HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
