I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i've created a new STD.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
