Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
