If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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