Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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