Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
