Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you would pick up someone in the library
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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