Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
