you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
