please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
