Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
