if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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