He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
