Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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