you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My bed smells like the plague
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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