would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
