Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I pour the whiskey from now on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
