We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
