I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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