Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
