dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A+ Viking dick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
