I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
