walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
