No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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