I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
