Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
