Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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