Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
