It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
