So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My bed smells like the plague
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
