thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize