I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
