Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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