Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
