The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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