He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize