I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
