I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
