Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize