So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
