Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
