you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
