I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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