You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize