My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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