yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
