I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
